By John Knetemann
I woke up today and had the best idea I have ever had. We should throw people in jail if they do not wear sunscreen outside. This is so obvious that I cannot believe we haven't thought of it before. It only makes sense to incriminate people who do not wear sunscreen. Now, you may be thinking "but John, we should allow people to live in a way that they see fit," but you are just silly if you think that. Shame on you if you think this. You probably have a lot of other silly ideas too. If you aren't completely convinced by this amazing idea, let me lay down my master plan for you.
Not wearing sunscreen is incredibly dangerous for an individual's health. According to WebMD, sun exposure can result in elastosis, telangiectasias, and cancerous skin lesions. I think any person would say that these results are negative and undesired. Not to mention, people may not even know that sun exposure causes this kind of damage! Could you imagine someone walking around without sunscreen, and not even knowing the kind of damage he is doing to his or her body? But a law would fix this. A law would allow for this person to know the damages, and protect themselves from the sun.
However, that is only the tip of the iceberg for why we should throw people in jail for not wearing sunscreen. You still might be thinking the absurd idea that "people should choose how to live their lives." Oh man... I can't believe you actually think that. I am laughing in my chair imagining people thinking that. Even if that idea made any kind of sense, you are wrong to think that they are only affecting themselves. You are forgetting the most pure and innocent of those that could be affected...
the children. What about the children? Are those against this proposal seriously going to tell me that they are OK with individuals walking around the streets with baked and sunburnt skin? How would parents explain that to their children? Their parents are telling them that they must wear sunscreen and then there are people that aren't using sunscreen? That would require parents to spend more time with their children explaining what responsibility is, and that is just a huge drag.
Also, who wants to see someone with shriveled, sunburnt skin? Gross. Throw them in jail. I don't like that kind of behavior and I think they should be punished. And after these amazing points, there is no reason for you not to agree with me. That sounds ridiculous right? Everything up until this point in the article sounds absolutely crazy? Well people seriously make this argument every day. No, not for sunscreen clearly, but for supporting drug prohibition. People make these arguments over and over to support throwing people in jail for making a personal choice in their lives.
Yet when speaking on marijuana there is one difference in these two arguments, UV rays are actually quite dangerous to your skin, while marijuana is quite safe for use. But let us imagine a universe where marijuana was actually dangerous. I know it is a hard thing to imagine, but try your hardest at hypothetically imagine it. Would you still support marijuana legalization? Of course you would, or else you would be making the same idiotic argument that I made for sunscreen requirements. So the same goes for all substances! Let people make the choice for themselves. As the saying goes: no victim, no crime.