September 6, 2012

President Obama Reveals White House Drug Lab Secrets

September 6, 2012
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weed vs beerResponding to an online petition, the Obama Administration this weedend released the formula used to manufacture ethanol in what is believed to be the first active drug lab at the White House.

Ethanol, a psychoactive drug implicated in the deaths of almost 25,000 Americans per year, is the most popular mind-altering substance in the United States. Over half of all adult Americans  use the drug regularly and 15% of those – about 14 million people – do develop serious addiction problems.  Ethanol is also implicated in most domestic abuse, violent crime, and motor-vehicle accidents as well.

Word of the White House drug lab first leaked in 2011, but details of the drug manufacturing have remained a closely-guarded secret until today.  But during a recent appearance on’s “Ask Me Anything”, the president was asked about the methods used to manufacture his particular blend of ethanol. Pressured further by a “We the People” online petition signed by over 12,000, the White House last week explained the process of manufacturing its “Honey Ale” and “Honey Porter” versions of ethanol.

In other drug news, President Obama completely ignored questions on the medical use of cannabis and the War on (Certain American Citizens Using Non-Pharmaceutical, Non-Alcoholic, Tobacco-Free) Drugs in the Reddit forum while taking the time to let us all know Michael Jordan is his favorite basketball player and sending soldiers into battle is really hard.

This forum marks the tenth time President Obama has solicited questions from the public, which always seems to vote on the marijuana legalization and drug war questions as most in need of the president’s attention. In every forum, President Obama has ignored, mocked, or demeaned the question of marijuana legalization save one: when responding to LEAP Officer Mackenzie Allen’s query, Mr. Obama said the war on drugs is “an entirely legitimate topic of debate.”

Except on Reddit, apparently.


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