September 30, 2010

TWB Commentary – Studying For A Whiz Quiz

September 30, 2010
Urinalysis Is Awesome

“Get a job hippie!” Funny how that saying is associated with pot smokers even though some of the hardest workers I know of (me for example) are smokers. As some of you know I’ve been on a smoking sabbatical while looking for a job. Well it turns out I didn’t bomb that interview and am a pee test away from employment in Washington State (where I want to be). This is one of the times where I get to put my money where my mouth is: for the past three years I’ve smoked commercial grade Mexican drug money weed everyday, the 4th of July was the last of my smoke. About two weeks after the last of my bag I did smoke some resin, so will consider my last official smoke on the 18th of July. Since than I never strayed from the program but was in the room as my wife smoked (according to the Navy being in the same room would not fail you for a pee test). Now I’ve taken a urinalysis on the 28th of September.

According to everything I know I should be passing this test. At 230lbs, sweating my ass off from desert heat and having maintained steady physical activity — I should be clean. I’ve chalked up previous drug screen passes as just lucky. Especially in the military during a command sweep of over four thousand people, even though I’ve always taken the customary precautions, drink lots of water, exercise, and smoke once a month if that. After two months of not smoking when I pass this test my precedent will be set of what to tell the next guy looking for a job.

I wish I could tell you not smoking has been easy but it hasn’t. It’s really been quite the pain in the ass. Some people will run with that and say see marijuana makes you an addict and I’ll say sure but I’m also addicted to booze (alcoholic) and vagina (sex addict), these things get over looked by the “righteous” society. What pisses me off about having not to smoke for 2 months and some odd days is watching what is acceptable.

At the end of the day after working on the yard or a rigorous day at work, my body will ache. When this happens a pipe load or two is always a quick fix to soothe the aches and pains, now in a marijuana free society I have to take excessive amounts of over the counter drugs or drink an excessive amount of alcohol — either way, not good.

Than there’s cigarettes. Have you ever tried taking cigarettes away from a tobacco smoker? My wife smokes cigarettes and everyday has been a kick in the nuts watching her smoke a chemical filled tobacco stick. Cigarettes have been proven to be just as addictive as heroine but yet, I the lonely pothead has to do without and suffer. When I resolved to stop smoking pot and look for a new job there was never a freak out moment or panic attack, it’s just something that had to be done to meet a need.

It just bothers me that in one trip I can buy a case of beer, a pack of cigarettes, and pick up a cheeseburger at McDonald’s, all of which are just as bad for me if not worse.

When will people get it that at the end of the day smoking a joint helps. I’ve had some pretty shitty jobs in my life and yes, smoking a joint to get through cleaning a toilet helps. Or after humping construction materials up and down a hill, a joint helps. Whatever your shitty job is smoking a joint makes it all that much better. Even if your job isn’t so shitty smoking a joint at the end of the day helps me accept shit I can’t control like the popularity of reality TV and how people are rich because they’re famous and are famous ‘cause they’re rich.

I’m still not going to smoke for another couple of days though until I hear the results of my test. Just in case some asshole decides to lose my paperwork and I have to go in again; but when I do I hope to invoke the ghost of Bob Marley because I have an ounce of blood weed (like blood diamonds but don’t last as long) waiting for me. Than on my way to Seattle, Washington where I can get my prescription and become legitimate. Ninja and Johnny you all better watch out, once I get my shit together up there its a road trip to Oregon and we’re gonna smoke ’till we’re cross-eyed.

“Till I find my results some shit from the web

Dude sues his landlord for stolen weed, if his operation was legal this shouldn’t be an issue

Dude from Big Lebowski speaks

Tennessee Congressman is bad ass, here he schools FBI director Mueller

Same Tennessee Congressman, this guy gives faith in politicians


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